It was a cooooold game, and well, to keep warm during tailgating, we had availed ourselves of a not insignificant portion of Becci’s homemade apple pie moonshine. ASU won the game, and we returned to our hotel, a cheapish place near the airport.

After a long day, Becci was pretty exhausted, but I can’t sleep for several hours after an ASU football game. We were sharing a room with a single queen bed. No big deal, but it also meant that I’d probably keep her up if I stayed in the room. As we were walking into the hotel, I had overheard a few other ASU fans mention that they were heading to the hotel bar, so I decided to let her sleep while I unwound at the bar.

When I walked in, though, I didn’t see any ASU fans. In fact, I only saw two Duke fans; the place was otherwise empty. So, victory in hand, I saddled up to the bar right next to them. I’m a good sport—and also entirely comfortable and proficient in trash talk, when needed—but we had a friendly and enjoyable conversation over a beer. They retired after their beverage, but I wasn’t tired enough to return to the room yet.

So I wandered to the restroom to make some more room, and in doing so, noticed an entirely different half of the bar. It was a split level (huh?), which effectively obscured the two sections from one another. There was a large table of ASU fans, presumably the ones I had overheard earlier. After the restroom, I made my way to the table and asked if I could join. “Sure, grab a chair and hop on in!”

The group was primarily comprised of older band moms—a surprisingly feisty bunch, actually. They had been tailgating together for a few years while their kids were members of the Sun Devil Marching Band. In fact, one of the kids at the table, Rob, was the current drum major. We got to talking and—like fresh meat—all the attention focused on me. They were fascinated by my long-term fandom (I had been a season ticket holder since fourth grade), my job in conservation, and my national parks quest in particular. It was an enjoyable time, and they were much more fun than I had anticipated. When it was time to head back to the room, I thanked them for letting me crash their table and said goodbye. I figured that was the end of it.

A few weeks later, I started noticing some posts from people I didn’t immediately recognize on my Facebook feed. It took me a bit to figure it out, but…it was the band mom crew from El Paso. They had apparently snatched my unlocked phone when I went to the restroom, and each had friended themselves from my Facebook app. I laughed—how sneaky!

The following season—On This Day in 2015—Becci and I, and my other buddy Scott who had season tickets with us, decided to meet up with them for a pregame tailgate at an ASU-sponsored venue. We had a blast, and decided that we’d combine our tailgates.

So this is our tenth year of tailgating with them, always at the same location overlooking the stadium. Our tailgate crew has ebbed and flowed over the years. We peaked around 25 regular participants each week several seasons ago, but it’s shrunk quite a bit since then as folks have moved away, or moved on. And my commitment to college football—which has undergone some disheartening changes in the last few years—has waned considerably recently as well.

Our tailgates are a lot of work, not just in the prep and coordination (which is considerable), but also in the day-of execution. It’s a twelve-hour affair each home game: we prep, pack up the Subaru (we have to add our rooftop bin for the extra cargo space), and arrive five hours before kickoff, the game lasts another 3-4 hours, and then we do a post-game tailgate for another 30-90 minutes to let the traffic pass (we also have champagne toast after wins), plus unpacking when we get home (after our traditional stop at In-N-Out Burger on the drive back, that is). A very full day, often concluding well after midnight.

We considered opting out of ASU tickets this year, as we’re trying to reduce our investment in the team, and in sports in general, to open up more weekends for fall travel. And while I’m far less interested in it these days, it’s also hard to simply walk away from. After all, this has been a part of my life since I was eight.

And since my parents’ bitter divorce back in college, ASU games—including pregame tailgating—had been the only occasions we spent as a family. So, yeah, I have loads of memories; it feels a bit weird to step back.

That said, it’s probably the tailgate that helped seal the deal on renewing this year. With the addition of HD broadcasts, the at-home game watching experience has vastly improved over the years, and is more attractive each subsequent year. But the in-person experience still rules supreme, at least when you can share it with others.

The post How I met our tailgating crew appeared first on rscottjones.

We got the official word that ASU’s bowl game would be in Las Vegas while we were on the other side of the globe in Fiji. Luckily, with some hotel wifi and fb messenger, we organized a ticket order with our tailgating crew—and even managed to score a free hotel room. Even better, my dad and his girlfriend would be able to attend as well.

Since this was an unscheduled trip, we’d have to squeeze it into a short weekend. That meant leaving after work on Friday and returning Sunday night—a quick turnaround from our Tuesday night return from the South Pacific. We’d also need to take Jen’s vehicle, as Sam the Subie was overdue for some new struts, so that meant no dirt road adventures on the way home.

Unfortunately, we returned from our big trip less than healthy, which made the pre-game celebrations with our tailgating group at the casino on Friday night a bit muted. Nonetheless, we enjoyed a few hours collecting free drinks at the slots while our friends won and lost money. We’re not really gamblers—those casinos aren’t built out of free money—but we’ll definitely pretend to play for some free drinks and a chance to hang out with friends.

I was feeling pretty awful after another sleepless night nursing a worsening cold, but I wasn’t going to miss the game. We grabbed breakfast and arrived early at Sam Boyd Stadium. We skipped doing a tailgate and instead caught up with our group for a remarkable tour (sorry—I can’t say what the tour was, but it was pretty darn cool).

Given a long list of injuries and some other circumstances surrounding the game, we didn’t expect a victory. And, unfortunately, the game played out much as we anticipated. But in spite of the outcome—and some chilly weather in the shady part of the stadium—we had an enjoyable time.

By the time we had returned to the casino, another friend had joined us, and the five of us spent the remainder of the night enjoying a number of drinks and a huge pizza in a corner food court of the casino. It wasn’t your typical Vegas celebration, but it was a perfect way to end the day.

We added on a short lunch stop with one of Jen’s friends before heading home the next day—another college football season in the books.

The post A short weekend at the Vegas Bowl appeared first on rscottjones.

Credit the amazing True Story Films for putting this together.

The post The true story about how ‘haboob’ dust storms are created appeared first on rscottjones.

Rufus Arizona, UA’s first live wildcat mascot, hung himself from a tree limb on April 17, 1916—just months after being purchased as the school’s mascot. I suspect he was suicidal after he learned the story of how the university adopted the wildcats nickname.

5) Another dead cat

In 1885, when the 13th Territorial Legislature awarded Tucson the University of Arizona (instead of the higher prized appropriations that accompanied the insane asylum or the state capital), Tucson citizens were so angry at receiving a university no one wanted that they pelted their returning legislators with ripe eggs, rotten tomatoes and—foreshadowing their future mascot—a dead cat. Talk about wildcat pride…

4) Arizona’s First (Remedial) University

Nonetheless, U of A heavily promotes that it was Arizona’s first university. What they fail to mention, besides the less-than-proud tradition mentioned above, is that there was little need for a university in the Arizona Territory, which didn’t even have a high school at the time. While the “university” accepted students from its first day of class, the vast majority were placed in a specially established remedial prep school. It took 17 years for university students to outnumber those in prep classes, which were maintained for 23 years. It’s hard not to chuckle when you see a billboard U of A purchased to promote a less-than-proud beginning.

3) An obvious lie

The ubiquitous motto of Arizona Athletics is “Bear Down.” The basic story goes like this: star QB gets seriously injured in a car accident. On his death bed, he relays a message to his teammates through his coach, telling the team to “bear down” and inspiring the team to pull off a critical win. Unfortunately, virtually all of this is myth, pure and simple. Details are sketchy, but few comport with the mythology. At best, the motto wasn’t inspirational at all and the team grossly underperformed, nearly losing to a far weaker opponent. At best, it was all just made up by Coach McKale—which seems like the most likely truth.

2) High school colors

U of A’s original school colors were sage green and silver, representing sage brush and the state’s mining industry. However, in 1900, student manager Quintas J. Anderson was offered, at an extremely low price, a set of used solid blue uniforms trimmed in red. U of A bought the uniforms and changed their school colors to red and blue to match the sale-priced uniforms. So much for tradition, originality, or Arizona pride.

1) Maybe not the proudest moment

On November 7, 1914, the Arizona “Varsity” football team was shut out 14-0 by the team from Occidental College in California. Bill Henry, a student correspondent for the Los Angeles Times, tossing the visitors a bone after a sound defeat, wrote that the Arizona team “showed the fight of wild cats” while getting pummeled by Occidental. For some reason, the fans in Tucson were elated at the newspaper article and eager to adopt the throwaway line of an out of town student sports reporter as their school’s mascot. And it’s been Wildcats ever since.

Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up.

➞ You might also enjoy my large collection of Wildcat jokes.

The post 6 embarrassing facts you didn’t know about the Arizona Wildcats appeared first on rscottjones.

The story goes, star QB and class president “Button” Salmon gets critically injured in a car wreck. His dying words are to Coach McKale at his bedside, telling the team to “bear down” in their upcoming big game. Coach tells the team while they’re at the stadium, and they proceed to valiantly pull off the upset win due to their motivation and grit—inspired by their dead teammate’s dying words.

Good story, huh?

The truth is far less appealing. First, UA now admits that it doesn’t actually know which game that season it reportedly happened at—a rather important detail in the story. Maybe it was New Mexico State the week after the funeral, maybe it was New Mexico several weeks (and a couple of games) later, possibly it was one of the other three games (only one of which was a win). What we do know is that McKale didn’t say anything about Button’s words until he reportedly told the team at the game.

If it had been New Mexico or one of the other games, then it seems a bit unlikely that the coach would have forgotten to honor Button’s dying wish and relay his “bear down” to the team before the next game. Simply put, it was probably just something he simply made up as a good story. But UA isn’t sure which game. Uh huh.

But even if it was against New Mexico State the week after the funeral, the inspirational words shouldn’t have played much of a factor. First of all, the team had already played two games while Button laid paralyzed in the hospital. They had won 54-0 and 35-0, so I guess they didn’t miss their starting QB as much as one might think. And, remarkably, he apparently didn’t give any words of encouragement to the team during that time. According to McKale, he saved that until the coach had to specifically ask him the day before he died if he had any words for the team.

New Mexico State was winless on the season and undefeated UA was already heavily favored, even without Button. That’s not surprising, UA was on a nine-win streak against lowly NMSU, winning by a combined score of 265-14 with shutouts in all but two games. UA went on to play a terrible game against a weak opponent, but managed to eek out 7-0 win in what should have been a blowout.

So even if the “best case” scenario for this is actually true, it involved a poorly played, lackluster win over a creampuff opponent. It’s actually rather clear that the team did not honor their teammate’s words to “Bear Down.” They very narrowly escaped doing the literal opposite: a embarrassingly loss to a far inferior opponent. Simply put, the message wasn’t inspirational to the team; they did not play close to their ability and certainly not “inspired football,” and they let down their dead teammate.

Nonetheless, UA proudly celebrates its own failure to live up to the so-called inspiring words of its fallen player. In many ways, #beardown is as much an insult as it is the school’s athletic motto.

So yes, UA, #beardown. Bear down indeed.

You might also want to read about 6 embarrassing things about the Arizona Wildcats or my collection of U of A jokes.

The post The real story behind Arizona’s “Bear Down” motto appeared first on rscottjones.

Every rivalry needs some jokes. The annual Duel in the Desert is no different. Below are a few I’ve collected over the years. You may also be interested in some great plays of the Duel in the Desert, or reading up on 5 embarrassing facts about U of A, or checking out an album of UA memes.

Q. Why doesn’t U of A have ice on the sidelines?
A. The guy with the recipe graduated.

Q. How do you keep U of A football out of your yard?
A. Put up a sign that says “Rose Bowl.”

Q. Why did the U of A grad stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A. Because it said ‘concentrate.’

Q. What’s the difference between a dead coyote and a dead Wildcat?
A. There are skid marks near the coyote.

It’s being reported that Arizona head football coach Kevin Sumlin will only be dressing 19 players for the Arizona State game.
The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q. Why can you never end an argument with an AU fan?
A. Because they’re always trying to make an extra point!

Q. How many UA grads does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It doesn’t matter—the electricity was shut off last week.

Q. What’s more difficult than arguing football with a UofA grad?
A. Getting them to make your Big Mac right.

Q. What do you call an Arizona football player with a Rose Bowl ring?
A. Thief.

Q. Why do birds fly upside down over UA?
A. There’s nothing worth crapping on.

Q. Did you hear about the fire in U of A’s football dorm that destroyed more than 15 books?
A. The real tragedy was that a dozen of them hadn’t even been colored in yet.

Q. What does the average UofA football player get on his SAT?
A. Drool.

Q. What do you get when you see a groundhog in Tucson?
A. Six more weeks of bad football.

Q. Why do they throw manure at wildcat weddings?
A. To keep the flies off the bride.

Q. What are the longest three years of a U of A football player’s life?
A. His freshman year.

Q. Why do ASU fans always flush the urinal after peeing?
A. Because someone needs to send Tucson its drinking water.

Q. What do you do when a Wildcat knocks on your door?
A. You tip ’em $5 and enjoy your pizza!

Q. Why can’t you find a cockroach in Tucson?
A. Because even a cockroach has an ounce of self-respect.

Q. What’s the difference between Cocoa Pebbles and U of A’s football team?
A. The Cocoa Pebbles belong in a bowl.

Q. How do you ruin a UA tailgate party?
A. Flush their punch bowl.

Q. What do Wildcat fans use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.

Q. How many U of A freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. It’s a sophomore class.

Q. What is the difference between a U of A jersey and an onion?
A. No one cries when you cut up a U of A jersey.

Q. Why do AU chicks wear high heels?
A. To keep their knuckles from scraping the ground.

Q. What do you get when you put 32 Arizona cheerleaders in one room?
A. A full set of teeth.

Q. How do you know Jesus is not from Tucson?
A. You’ll never find a virgin there, much less three wise men.

Q. How do you get to U of A from Tempe?
A. You go south until you smell it and east until you step in it.

Q. What’s the only sign of intelligent life in Tucson?
A. Tempe, 112 Miles.

Q. How do you keep a Wildcat from masturbating?
A. You paint its dick Maroon and Gold knowing it will never beat it!!!

Q. Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Arizona?
A. They cause too much brain damage.

Q. How do you castrate a U of A football player?
A. You hit his sister in the jaw.

Q. How do you get a Wildcats cheerleader into your dorm room?
A. Grease her hips and push.

Sumlin went into the locker room on Monday and told Khalil Tate, “You’re failing MAT 110. In order to remain eligible, you’re going to have to answer a couple questions correctly.”
“What is four times eleven?”
“A hundred” Tate said.
“Give him another chance, Give him another chance!” the rest of the team said.
“OK,” said Sumlin, “what is two plus two?”
“Four” beamed Tate.
“Give him another chance, Give him another chance!” the rest of the team said.

Q. How come whenever it is time for them to pick their Jim Click-furnished car, AU players never choose a Japanese car?
A. They’re afraid they won’t understand what’s on the radio.

Q. What do Wildcats and pot have in common?
A. They both get smoked in a bowl.

Q. What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Arizona campus?
A. A visitor.

Q. How did the Wildcat player die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a good Arizona joke?”
The guy next to him replies, “Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I’m 6′ tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Arizona grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6′ 2″ tall, weighs 225, and he’s an Arizona grad. And the fella next to him is 6′ 5″ tall, weighs 250, and he’s an Arizona grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?”
The first guy says, “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”

Q. How do you make Wildcat cookies?
A. Put them in a big bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q. What do you say when you see an Arizona graduate in a suit?
A. Will the defendant please rise.

Q. How many U of A players does it take to screw in a light blub?
A. One, but it never gets done. They just hold the bulb up and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Q. What should you do if you find three UA football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A. Get more cement.

Q. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Tucson?
A. Because had it been invented anywhere else, it would have been called the “Teethbrush.”

A UofA fan, a USC fan, & an ASU fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The USC fan insists he is the most loyal. “This is for the Trojans,” he yells and jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone, the ASU fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, “GO DEVILS” and pushes the U of A fan off the mountain.

Two University of Arizona football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.”
The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”

Q. How can you tell if a Wildcat football player has a girlfriend?
A. There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

Q. Why don’t Arizona football players drink Kool-Aid?
A. Because they can’t figure out how to get two quarts of water into that little packet.

Did you hear about the power outage at the U of A library?
Twenty seven students were stuck on the escalator for four hours.

Q. Why do UA grads put their diplomas on their dashboard?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces!

Q. What do tornadoes and graduates from U of A have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks!

Q. Why was “The Wave” banned from Arizona Stadium?
A. Three UA fans drowned last year.

Q. What’s the difference between a pricky pear cactus and Arizona Stadium?
A. The cactus has its pricks on the outside!

Did you hear that the UA quarterback went ice fishing over the semester break?
He came back with 42 lbs of ice.

Q: If you have a car containing a UA wide receiver, a UA linebacker, and a UA defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop. 

Q: How do you ensure safe sex down in Tucson?
A: Place signs on the animals that kick. 

Q: Why do UA students have the letters TGIF written on their shoes?
A: So they remember that Toes Go In First!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the UA campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q. Why did the UA player die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What does a Wildcat fan do when his team has won the Rose Bowl?
A: He turns off the Xbox.

Q: What do you call an Arizona Wildcat in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.

Q: What’s the difference between a U of A football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.

Q: Why did the U of A football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goalline.

Q: Did you hear that Arizona’s football team doesn’t have a website?
A: They can’t string three “Ws” together.

Q: What happens when blondes move from Phoenix to Tucson?
A: Both cities become smarter! 

Q: Why do U of A basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it’s the closet they will come to getting a “Degree.” 

Q: What are the best four years of an Arizona Wildcat’s life?
A: Fourth grade

Q: What do U of A grads use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: Why do all the trees in Tempe lean to the southeast?
A: Because Tucson sucks.

Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from U of A have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: What does a UA student and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What’s the one thing that keeps Wildcat basketball players from graduating?
A: College.

Q: How is a Wildcat coed different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.

Q: Why should U of A change their uniforms to fluorescent orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.

Q: How do you get an Arizona Wildcat fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell her a joke on Monday morning.

Q: What’s the difference between Arizona Stadium and a barrel cactus?
A: The barrel cactus has its pricks on the outside. 

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys in Tucson?
A. With a restraining order.

Q: Why do Wildcat fans pour their cereal onto a plate?
A: Because they’re always losing their bowls.

Q: Why don’t girls play hide and seek in Tucson?
A: No one would look for them. 

Q: What’s the main difference between a bucket of cow shit and a Wildcat fan?
A: The bucket.

The post Some Arizona Wildcat jokes for the ASU-U of A rivalry game appeared first on rscottjones.

Simple: it’s dangerous, and no longer fun.

I’ve been goaded into several fights, had food flung on me, had my car vandalized, had some pretty nasty things said about Kim, and generally not had a good time, even during our customary beatdown of the UA team. The last time the Devils played in Tucson, the crowd threw full water bottles at our bench, knocking out one of our medical staff. Nice.

The so-called “Zona Zoo” has gotten so bad that UA instituted a code of conduct policy and added spotters to keep an eye on the violence and vitriol. Way to represent the University.

During this year’s game, the Arizona football staff purposefully opens the gates to the field to the fans with more than 5 minutes left in the game. The crowd surges right up to the playing field, just feet from the players…with shouting, spitting, middle fingers, and some physical contact. If that was the UA bench, the team would have been penalized for unsportsmanlike conduct. Instead, it was constructed by Arizona Stadium staff.

It’s so bad that the Police make sure that Jody Jackson, the FSN sideline reporter, is ushered off the field before the end of the game because they are so concerned about her safety. A sideline reporter! Who has security around her, and who’s primary job is to get post-game interviews from players and coaches. It’s so dangerous that she has to flee before the game’s even over. If that doesn’t speaks volumes about the situation—fostered by the UA Athletics Department—then, I’m not what does.

It’s a real shame, but that’s why we don’t go. This is a situation that desperately needs to be fixed.

The post Why we don’t attend ASU games in Tucson appeared first on rscottjones.

1.

Fall Down, Arizona (to tune of Bear down, Arizona):

Fall down, Arizona,
Fall down, black and blue.
Fall down, Arizona,
You know damn well you’re through.

So it’s Trip! Fall!
Drop that ball!
Arizona, you are screwed!

2.
Here comes the band
The U of A band
With endless repetition.
The shows a bore
We’ve seen it before
It’s become a damned tradition!
So here comes the band
And, gee, but it’s bland
To that bear down melody (repeat 3x in rapid succession).
So sneer at Arizona
BEER for Arizona!
The band that’s a bore to see!

The post Fall Down, Arizona. appeared first on rscottjones.